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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 29.08.2006 11:56 by Runcene.

Jâ, viòð pats teica, ka tâ ir izrâde, kurâ piedalâs paði skatîtâji. Nav obligâti bût viòa klientam, var iet, kas vçlas, un ar varu jau neko darît neliek, cik pats vçlas iesaistîties, tik iesaistâs.

Runcene, tad ðito ceturtdienu nesanâks, es tieði ðíaudu:-))))))))))))

es taa plasiiju, apollo portaalaa to video chatu, vispaar loti interesanti.

Bono: Es domaju tieshi tev vajag iet uz tiem "kreslu dejaam".

haha nç paldies =) es negribu spçlçt teâtri, es gribu iemâcîties izturçties dabiski, iedomâjoties vien, kâ es tur tâds stîvs un bailîgs censtos kaut ko darît, pilnîgs sviests, man tas galîgi nav vajadzîgs. Es labâk pats trençjos, prasu cilvçkiem, cik pulkstenis, kâ tikt lîdz tai un tai ielai un tamlîdzîgi, nekâ lienu teâtra trupâ =)

[Tas ir mans raksts kada cita AvPD forumaa, angliski. Man tagad nav laika, es eju tikties ar savu miloto meiteni. Partulkoshu velak, bet man negribas :) Ja kadam vajag tulkojumu, tikai dodiet zinu :)]

We meet every day. Last night we were sitting in a night cafe and we were kissing. Everything was great, but I still had these fears. These fears seem have to be controlled all the time because they are ingrained somewhere deep. It was 4 or 5 AM in the night. I felt tired and wanted to sleep. We drank coffee but it didn't help. In the morning I had to go to work but she had to go to university. It was about time to leave. That was when my avoidant feelings played back badly on me. I offered to go to my home and have sex. She refused. I didn't want to have sex too. We were tired and we had too little time. I think we need whole day to enjoy ourselves fully. What could we do in one hour? Wham-bam, thank you mam? It was the avoidant in me that wanted to have sex when things are hot, then consider the case to be "closed", and then let me close in my shell. Anyway, she refused. I caught her a taxy and walked home about 1 hour. All the time on my way home I had dreadful feelings of fear, pity, bitter, and seem to loose all self esteem. I was only after 2 hours that I recovered. I reassured myself that she likes me (maybe even loves), consider me attractive, and in no way is going to break with me because of just one mistake. Anyway everything will depend on what I'll tell her the next time we meet (tonight!) and I seem to know the right words to tell. Tonight we are going to a cinema to watch a biographic movie about Johnny Cash (http://www.walkthelinethemovie.com). One poster here mentioned that one avoidant listened to his song "Hurt" all the time. What also drew my attention is that she suggested me to read annotation of the movie when deciding on which movie we will go. The annotation says:

In WALK THE LINE, Academy Award nominee Joaquin Phoenix (Gladiator, Signs, the Village) powerfully portrays Johnny Cash, a young, passionate artist who rebelled against convention, revolutionized music, and always walked his own path regardless of the consequences. His troubled childhood, along with his outlaw persona, unbridled talent and passion for the woman he was destined to be with, led him on a path of self-destruction. Reese Witherspoon (Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama) gives a brilliant performance as June Carter, the true love of his life and the woman who ultimately must save him from himself.

Previous night I was at home reading a chapter from a book about AvPD. There was a description of the formula that creates a vicious cirle of the disorder. There were just a couple of sentences that made me understand everything about myself. I quieted down to a state like calm on the see. Every negative feeling was like a breeze I can imediately draw my attention to and be handled in a proper way. I felt so happy! It is so great to be a healthy, whole personality! I felt so much evergy and optimism. I fell that all paths are open and virtually everything is possible! I felt myself an individual, not a person I previously considered myself, an individual that needs to become a person, to have a loving woman, to give birth to many happy children and to help society in some way. My feelings were so strong that if she was sleeping at that time she might have a beautiful dream Smile I felt so grateful to her, that she exists in my life!

The next day, before that night, I told her this. Just in an hour. In her dinner break, right in the mall where she is working. And also many other compliments to her. She was pleased to hear this. She asked is she in my plans Smile (Wow!) That night we went out and had such a great time except for this accident (as it was for me).

Today in the morning I visited a therapist in neighbouring city in my area people have suggested me on the net. I needed someone like a sports trainer that would guide me, tell me areas to improve, discover situations that could trigger these fears, and so on. I also needed reassurance for my self diagnosis. And also I needed some opinion about that mistake in the closing of that kissing evening. He has great authority as a therapist, a three daughter father, a loving husband, societal activities supporter, and so on. He is also psychology books writer. He told me that he doesn't think I need some therapy from him, that my girlfriend is best therapy for me. All that I might need is some support. We will meet after one week and talk about my experiences in that week and about other things he said.

Such great news! I'm on my way to recovery! My girlfriend thinks too that I don't need any therapy. I understood that I love her. Love will make it all! It is love when the loving person help you to overcome your problems.

I got to go to my girlfriend. We go to the movie about about Johnny Cash tonight. Cyao!

One more thing, my therapist told me that I can't know how long these relationship will last. On that I told him that these relationships are very important and that I'll hold to them as much as I can, but it's ugly to glue to one person regardless of love between each other, that my goal is to easily initiate and fall into love relationship with other girls too!

Ok, bye people!!!
I wish you all hapiness! Smile Smile

Vel viena lieta.

darja:
Krievu vards Darja, interesejas par psihologiju, ideali parvalda latvieshu valodu, nodarbojas ar socialam aktivitatem... Man shkiet es pazistu vienu Darju ar tadam ipashibam. Vai tavs vards sakas ar burtu Þ (Zh)? :)

Pauli.

Nç, mans vârds nesâkas ar Þ. Tu esi vçrîgs, Pauli:)

Ta ir "drukas kluda", es domaju uzvards :)

Nç, uzvârds arî ne:)